Most students studying a foreign language in a more serious capacity know wordreference.com to be one of the best online translating tools available. I use it regularly personally, for papers, as well as for my internship, and it rarely lets me down. Last week as I was finishing up a paper about cultural differences between France and the United States, I put in a word that I knew I wouldn't find a good translation for: "dating." Despite my low expectations I was still shocked by the response I got: "traduction non-disponible" ("translation unavailable").

That had never happened to me before, and yet it was perfect. "Dating," as we understand it in the US, doesn't exist in France. There is no word for a "date" in the sense of a couple going out together in a formal setting to get to know each other better. I first started to understand this concept while serving as a missionary for the LDS church in Québec, Canada. I had a native French companion who phrased it perfectly once, and what he said has always stuck with me (I've shared this with several people, so this may not be new for some of you). He said, "You Americans are weird. You date someone to see if you love them, but in France we date someone because we love them." When I asked him the inevitable question of how you know you love someone without dating them a little first he responded simply, "You just know."

While that might seem beautifully romantic to some, it was perplexing to me. The French tend to be less flirtatious as Americans (at least as overtly) and more serious in their dating habits. For example, if someone asks someone to go out for the night-for dinner, a movie, or whatever-it probably means they've gotten to know you well and are almost certain that they're ready to pursue a serious relationship.  A lot of the young people here are fairly shocked when I tell them that it's not uncommon for Americans to ask someone on a date after only knowing them a very short time-maybe even just a few hours or less (granted, this process might be particularly fast at BYU among girl-deprived guys just home from a 2-year mission).

Part of the difference stems directly from the language. In French the closest word they have to describe what a date consists of is deceiving. "Sortir" means "to go out," but it has a much more permanent connotation in French than it does in English.  A couple of weeks ago, I was trying to explain to a friend here how it wasn't uncommon for me or other guys at BYU to go out with one girl on a Wednesday or Thursday night and another girl on Friday or Saturday. My friend was appalled. While I was trying to communicate that I went out with two different girls, she was hearing that I dated one girl on Thursday and dated another girl on Saturday; in essence, she understood that I was seriously dating both of them at the same time! It took me some time to explain that the girls wouldn't be surprised or particularly disturbed by the situation, and that the girls themselves most likely had multiple dates in the same week.

I did not intend to spend a whole entry on this subject, but I admit that I have found it both frustrating and hilarious trying to comprehend these differences between our cultures when it comes to romantic relationships, as well as why they exist. Like many aspects of French culture, this was something that I understood theoretically before coming here, but seeing it in action has made me realize just how quickly an American in France (or a Français in the States) could get him or herself in trouble. What might be considered harmless in one country could be heartbreaking in another; maybe love isn't such an international language after all.

Gros bisous,
Brian